Deeply Saddened.

Today has been extremely rough. I know that everything I've been studying is really being put to the test but I still hurt when I know I'm being attacked.

It all started last night when I left a silly photo comment on this guys face book. He said the most horrific, disgusting, and heart shattering things to me in response to it. I cried for 3 hours over it. Trust me, it was bad. Really bad. A friend of mine found out what he said and had my back the whole way and many others contacted me trying to encourage me. In the mean time, me and the guy were writing and he apologized but still justified what he did. I was very nice to him anyway and it ended peacefully. All of that brought up so many emotions and my mind was racing over so many things I'm dealing with and miss. I decided to take the kids to the movies after school so I could get my mind off the hurt.

Upon returning home, I received a message from my sister in law that cut me wide open again. I wrote about our visit the other day. It was nice and I was so happy to have finally gotten a chance to talk to her. I felt like we got closer. We shared what we had gone through growing up and related some. So I asked her if she and her husband could keep the kids so I could attend a title search seminar as part of my training for my business. The kids have rarely stayed with her and her husband so I asked. She basically called me a liar about the seminar, told me I play games and said that's why she doesn't full with me. She said to never ask her to watch the kids unless I was going to give them up. I just burst out crying. I dug up the email I sent to the woman hosting the seminar and the woman's web site and sent it to her.

I don't get it! What did I do to deserve this cruelty? As I type I hear the voice of Jesus saying,"Even a prophet is not welcome in his own country." "You will be blessed for enduring what I endured." "Don't worry or cry. I will never hurt you or leave you."

My Prayer:It's still hurts, Lord. Help me to be strong enough in the future so that words won't hurt me like they do. I just wish I could become numb to people. Thank you for helping to resist what I really wanted to say and do. Thank you for giving me enough self-control to not respond the way the old Jana would. Forgive them for they know not what they do. I don't know why I care so much but I pray you prove them wrong in their judgements against me. In Jesus' name. AMEN.